Match and Mix
by gopadfoot
Summary: Mummy Holmes has waited long enough. She wants grandchildren- NOW! A somewhat satirical take on Mummy the Matchmaker trope, with my own twist, of course!


**A/N:** Ladies and gentlemen, this story is my #50 for this Fandom! Thank you all for putting up with me;)

This story is a parody of a very common trope in fanfiction, with my own little twist. I do not mean to offend those who take this trope more seriously. When it comes to romance, I seem to be able to write it only as comedy, so just take it in the spirit it was intended. Thanks!

* * *

"William, we're not getting any younger, are we?"

"You, my love, look like you're getting younger each day," William Holmes replied affectionately to his wife.

"Oh, you're just trying to butter me up," she laughed, smacking him on the arm. "But seriously, wouldn't it be nice to live to see our grandchildren?"

"Of course," he nodded sagely. "It might still happen, only not in _this_ lifetime."

Mildred Holmes looked very offended. "Of course it can! Oh, you're so behind the times, aren't you? Of course you are, what with your head floating in the clouds so often! You haven't, by chance, heard the latest theories?"

"Darling," William said desparately. "You _know_ I'm just not a maths person. Besides, how would quantum physics help us with grandchildren? Unless... you don't mean for us to travel back in time and have more children?!" Mr. Holmes asked in sudden alarm.

"Well, time travel isn't quite possible just yet. We still have a few kinks to work out... But what I meant was, William, that our sons are in love!"

"Dear, did you say- oh, dear me, my hearing is going. I thought I heard you say something about our sons and love. Isn't that amusing?"

"It's all over the Internet! Don't you _ever_ read fanfiction?"

"I'm not quite sure what that is, sweetheart," William shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"They absolutely are. The problem is, they don't yet know it themselves! So we'll have to stage a minor intervention...

* * *

Thanks to Mummy Holmes' vigorous "intervention," (which her sons disgustedly referred to as meddling), there were four guests invited (forced) to the New Year's Event dinner party at the elder Holmes' cottage.

Mildred had first approached Molly Hooper, deeming her the more susceptible victim- er, party of interest. "I think you know why I'm here," Mildred had said, ambushing the pathologist in her own flat. Molly had, predictably, blushed, and stammered, but she had admitted that she did.

"I am definitely, um, interested," she had said. "But I know he wouldn't ever consider me. I mean, he's brilliant, and good-looking, and so much beyond me... But he can be a perfect gentleman when he wants to, and I've seen the really caring side of him, and I do think he's the type to really take good care of a woman, if I can get him interested."

"Perhaps I can help with that," Mrs. Holmes mused.

"You know," Molly added, "I used to think him so distant, and cold, ... but I realized that, really, he's just insecure and lonely... like me, I guess. He does have that air of danger around him, but, honestly," she smiled sheepishly, "I guess I'm attracted to that. I do cut up dead people for a living." She giggled awkwardly.

Mummy's next stop was Anthea, of course. It was terribly difficult to get to her outside of Mycroft's surveillance, but Mildred Holmes was nothing if not resourceful. Anthea was a tougher nut to crack. She smirked as Mummy put forward her idea.

"Mrs. Holmes, I thank you for your concern," she said politely, "but I doubt it will work. As much of a genius as he is, I doubt he has ever noticed my interest. He's very oblivious when it comes to _sentiment."_

"We could work on making him aware," Mummy argued. "What can you lose by trying?"

"My job? My _head_? My boss would be furious, you know."

"Nah, Mikey will get over himself," Mildred assured her."

"Alright, I'll come. You know, I think he's a real looker, but that's not the main reason I'm attracted to him. I like a man who's blunt, honest, and would never treat me like a damsel in distress. I like his creativity, his mind, but most of all, I adore how he's always in the center of everything. It's impossible to get bored around him."

"So you're type is a brilliant, dangerous, blunt and handsome man?" Mummy smirked.

"Exactly."

Mummy wasn't surprised when Mycroft arrived together with Anthea. She was a bit more surprised when Sherlock arrived with Molly, but was very glad of it.

What happened next took her aback completely. Anthea looked towards the younger Holmes brother and gave him a saucy wink. "Sherlock," she purred. The detective actually blushed, and stammered a response.

Molly turned to the older brother. "Mycroft," she smiled shyly.

"Miss Hooper," he said, looking at her longingly.

Mildred Holmes rushed to get her husband, who was dozing in his study. "William!" she whispered fiercely, shaking her husband awake.

"What's wrong? Oh, are we still getting grandchildren?"

"I'm not sure. Tell me, what do you get when you combine a pathologist and a minor government official? Or a detective and the PA of a minor government official?"

William shrugged. "The result is still grandchildren, I hope."


End file.
